My Happy Ending
by This Broken Heart
Summary: You Were Everything That I Wanted. We Were Meant To Be, Supposed To Be, But We Lost it. All The Memories So Close To Me Just Fade Away. All This Time You Were Pretending. So Much For My Happy Ending. Dillon & Lulu
1. All This Time You Were Pretending

_You're the only person I would do this for. I swear. _He had sworn in his vows, taken my hand and looked me in the eye. His kiss on my lips lingered as the priest presented us as husband and wife. I was supposed to be his one and only, the love of his life. _It's okay. I'm used to not being wanted._ I had thrown my past hurt and resentment in his face during our first fight as a married couple. We had just gotten home from our honeymoon when I had sprung a surprise dinner with my brothers on him the same night as a huge film festival. He had gotten annoyed and gone anyway. I was sitting in the dark, crying my eyes out, when he had finally sauntered in the door. _I'm just not ready to trust everything you say. _I had made a mistake almost a year after our wedding. He had spent the night at the apartment of my best-friend, Georgie Jones. I didn't realize at the time that Mac Scorpio, the man who had raised her, had just died. I saw her in his arms and decided to get drunk. I ended up in bed with Georgie's ex-boyfriend, Diego Alcazar. And then I got pregnant. _I don't regret being with you. Then or now. _Dillon and I slowly built our relationship from the ground up all over again. We found out a few months into my pregnancy that it was Dillon's baby. But, by then, it wouldn't have mattered. Diego was shot and killed three days before my son was born. Dillon had assured me of his commitment fifteen minutes before the paternity test results. And that's when I knew that Dillon would love me forever, no matter how badly I screwed up.

_You don't need to be going to sleep at night with that in your head. _My mother, who had been catatonic for nearly half of my life, was murdered inside of the facility she had been 'living' in. My father's life-long enemy, and my eldest brother's grandmother, had done the dirty work herself. Dillon and I were the unlucky ones to stumble into the room to find my mother in her rocking chair, staring at the wall with unseeing eyes as always, with a long gash across her pale throat. Dillon saw it first and blocked my body with his, preventing me from seeing the horrid scene before us. I finally managed my way around him, crumbling to the ground where we stood. _What happened up here changed everything-- my life... _Dillon and I had met at Jake's, a seedy local bar where I frequently played pool. The owner had once been a tall, blonde woman named Jake who was tougher than half the guys who frequented her bar. She sold it a few years back to a humorous, although somewhat questionable, man named Coleman. The bar had a pool table, a vintage jukebox, a long bar, and numerous old tables scattered about. There were four small rooms above the bar that were rented out to people with barely any money and no place to go. Both Jake and Coleman were cool with underage kids hanging around as long as they didn't touch alcohol, although Coleman was more lenient than Jake had ever been. Diego and I slept together in one of the rooms above. I found out I was pregnant in the same room. Dillon and I waited anxiously at Jake's for Dr. Kelly Lee to call my cell phone with the paternity test results. Dillon and I returned to that room above Jake's after hearing about Diego's murder when I was mourning an old friend and expecting the joy of a new life.

Through all of the ups and downs, tragedies and miracles, Dillon and I remained together. We picked up the pieces each time our life shattered. But now I sit here outside of Kelly's Diner waiting for my husband to arrive, begging God to give me strength for what I'm about to do. I remind myself of my mistake with Diego. But this is different. He didn't just cheat on me. He had an affair. It wasn't just some girl he picked up or even just a friend. He was sleeping with a girl closer to me than anyone, someone I considered my sister... She was my family. Georgie Jones had been my best friend since I was a little girl. She stood beside me when my mother faded away, when we were both too young to even understand. She was my maid of honor in my wedding. She let me cry and scream whenever I fought with Dillon. But, through all of that, she was seducing my husband into her bed. I think back to all the times we hung out together, all the times she held my son. Was she wishing for the life I had? Was she fantasizing about Jake being her son with Dillon instead of mine? I feel tears fill my eyes as my bottom lip quivers. The cool air blows around me, chilling the skin that my white halter top reveals. I turn in my chair just in time to see Dillon entering the courtyard, a skeptical look on his face. How do I do this? What do I say? I'm angry as hell, but I just want to hide in a corner and cry until this all goes away. That's Spencer nature, I guess. People say we're fighters, but we all seem like cowards if you ask me. My dad is always running from something, hiding in far away countries instead of raising his daughter. My brother, Lucky, turned to pills and hid in his addiction for awhile. My mother did it best of all. She hid within her own mind for years on end. She would still be there if Helena Cassadine hadn't slit her throat and killed her in cold blood. But I'm determined to see this through. My marriage and my son's sense of normalcy depends on it. I can't be selfish anymore. I'm a mother. I have to at least give Dillon a chance. I realize that I've stood up and he's talking. I don't understand what he's saying, but I can see his lips moving. Is this just more lies? How much of what he's said to me has been lies throughout our marriage? "Stop, Dillon. I can't think straight right now. I'll only get confused trying to figure out if what you're saying is true or not so just shut up,"

"Don't end it like this, Lulu. What about the last two and a half years of marriage?" Dillon holds his hand out for me to take it. I look up and meet his gaze. I want to trust him, to close my eyes and expect him to just catch me. It's worked so well in the past, hasn't it? Why shouldn't we trust our love, our marriage, to get us through this like we always have? Because this time is different, I remind myself. Diego was a one time thing, a drunken mistake. This is an affair that's been going on for weeks, maybe months. Hell, who knows anymore. Maybe I was right that first night when I saw Georgie in Dillon's arms. But I don't think so. I really believe that she had only called him because my cell phone was off and they just couldn't find me. Mac had just been shot in the line of duty and he was the only father Georgie had ever known. Of course she had needed a hug. Dillon's a nice guy. It's just ingrained in his D.N.A. Although, my cynical side argues, nice guys don't sleep with their wife's best friend. At least not generally anyway. Is there some one or two percent that he's falling under? I wonder if there's statistics I can look up for this kind of thing.

"What about your mistress, Dillon? You know, light brown hair and about my height? What's her name again? Oh, yeah, Georgie. You have to know her, Dillon. She is my best friend after all," I remind him sarcastically. Georgie is nothing more than a knife in my back after all of this. Dillon takes a step back, his face contorting in pain as if he's been physically wounded. I wish this was all physical. It's a lot easier to handle a cut or a bruise than a betrayal of this kind. I have a very high tolerance for pain, as long as it isn't emotional. But that doesn't do me any good right now. I can't take an aspirin and make this all feel better. And I can't afford to go to Jake's for shots. I have a nine month old son waiting for me at my brother's house. Jake deserves a mother who is committed to keeping his life together, even if his father isn't. I guess this is my fault. I let myself fall into denial repeatedly. I had seen them going at it three weeks ago on his desk at E.L.Q. But instead of saying anything, of confronting the problem head on, I ran to my cousin Carly and let her hold me while I cried. I had fooled myself into thinking that it had been a one time thing, that if I ignored it then it wasn't real. But, not that I let myself really think about what I had seen, that wasn't the first time they had been together. It was too familiar, too planned. Georgie lived on the other side of town, by Kelly's where she worked. There was no logical reason for her to be by E.L.Q. Except for her sleeping with my husband of course. Carly had managed to help me convince myself that it didn't mean anything. She hadn't wanted to, but I'm pretty damn stubborn. And I hadn't been prepared to admit that my husband was cheating on me. My cell phone beeps from where it sits on the table. I don't want to check it, don't want anyone else intruding on this moment. What could be more important than fighting for my marriage? But I can't risk missing something about my son so I pick the phone up, keeping a wary eye on Dillon. Sure enough it's from Nikolas. I read over the message multiple times, assuring myself that if it was an emergency Nik would have called me directly instead of just sending a text message. I grab my purse, shoving the phone inside without responding to my brother. "I have to go. Jake and I are staying with Nikolas. I'll meet you at the boathouse tomorrow afternoon. Don't try and contact me before then,"

"Lulu, if that was about our son then I deserve to know," Dillon reminds me as he grabs my arm to stop me. I look at him over my shoulder as a million emotions battle inside of me. Yes, Jake is his son and Dillon should be around. But he's lost the right to demand anything of me, even just this much. If it's an emergency I'll call Dillon, I assure myself. He doesn't need to be involved otherwise. He made his choice and it wasn't me or his son. That's not my fault. I refuse to reward him for bad behavior. If he is determined to act like a child then I'll treat him as such. But I will not let my son suffer because of it. Dillon might not let Jake factor into his affair, but I sure as hell will consider my son in everything I think or do. I don't say anything to Dillon and he finally lets me go. I don't let myself breathe until I reach the docks where the launch to my brother's private island is waiting.

----...----

"I've been waiting for a few hours. You never said what time... Just 'afternoon' so I sat around here and waited. I didn't want to miss you," Dillon, who had been sitting on a wooden bench, jumped up as I walked across the wooden planks to the tiny little boathouse. It was our hideaway, our favorite spot aside from Jake's. We had frequented the boathouse more often since my one-night stand with Diego at Jake's. But our son was named after the place we met and the woman who threw us together. Jake, who had left Port Charles after selling the bar, came back for a few days to see her new namesake. She still visited every two or three months. Oh God. How in the hell am I supposed to explain this to her while keeping her from killing Dillon? I force the thought away as I face my husband. There are dark circles under his eyes, proving to me that he didn't sleep much the night before. Why was that? Was he regretting his choices, missing me and his son? Or was he having sex with Georgie all night to celebrate his freedom? I touch three fingers to my own dark circles. I know mine are from tossing and turning all night, not used to sleeping without my husband and worrying about what I would decide to do. Dillon licks his lips and lets out a nervous laugh as he tunnels his right hand through his spiky blonde hair. "I couldn't sleep last night. I must look like hell, but I just couldn't make myself sleep without you in my arms,"

"Are you going to really try and deny that you've been sleeping with Georgie? Dillon, I saw you... More than once," I have to stop talking. I need to just walk away right now before I start crying. I can feel the tears in my eyes, my throat closing from all of the emotion. But, damn it, I won't let him see how much this hurts. He doesn't get to comfort me, to try and make it all better. I will not let him fix this when he's the one who shattered it all. Dillon cannot play the hero this time around. But then I have to remind myself that I can't be selfish. Jake needs his father and he needs me to pull it all together. Yes, Dillon broke my heart and shattered every illusion I had about our _'wonderful'_ marriage. But I can't make my son pay for our mistakes, our own bitterness. It's hard being a mother. You have to keep you head clear and put someone else's needs above your own, no matter how badly it's going to hurt. "Please, Dillon, don't make this harder than it already is,"

"How can people say that? I'm fighting for my marriage, Lulu, _our marriage_. We took vows in a church before our family, friends, and God," Dillon clenches and unclenches his fist in anger. He moves around me, pacing out his frustration. He spins around to look at me, pain in his eyes. So what if this hurts him? He did this. Not me. I don't need the reminder of our vows, of our commitment. I'm not the one sleeping with my spouse's best friend. And as for making promises before our friends... He's having sex with my friend, my maid of honor. He desecrated our marriage. Who is he to fight for our relationship when he's the one who damaged it? I blink back my tears. Why does this have to hurt so much? "I forgave you, Les, when you slept with Diego. I stood by you when we waited to find out if Jake was mine or not. Why can't you do the same?"

"Diego was a one time thing, Dillon. I was drunk and I thought that you were with Georgie, remember? I screwed up. I know that. _Everyone_ knows that. I've paid, a hundred times over, for what I did. You had sex with my _best friend_ repeatedly. That's not a mistake, Dillon. That's an affair," I clarify harshly. Maybe I can do this if I just stay angry at him. It would be so simple if I could settle on rage instead of pain. But I can't. I realized that the night before while I cried in my big brother's arms. I got everything good in my life from Dillon. He took me from the scared, angry girl that I was and turned me into a strong, loving woman. And now he's breaking everything that we've created in the last few years. Part of me wants to hang on for dear life, but the other part of me, the tired and cynical part, just wants to let go and run away with my son. I know that I could disappear. My father's perfected it and my brother has the means to make it happen. I could take Jake, go somewhere fabulous, and never be found. I could go somewhere where Dillon Quartermaine never existed and I could become a better version of Lulu Spencer instead of the fantastic Lulu Quartermaine I am here. But I grew up with a father who was always missing in action and Dillon can barely remember what Paul Hornsby looks like. I want more for my son. I want him to grow up better than either of his parents did. So, to do that, I have to stay in Port Charles and figure things out with my husband.

"I screwed up, Lulu, okay? Yes, damn it, I had an affair with Georgie. I knew that you had found out and I kept it going anyway. I made myself believe that I wouldn't lose you and Jake because of it. I know that I was wrong. But you've been wrong too. I could have walked away, more than just that time with Diego. I could've ended our marriage, fought for our son, and cut you out of my life. But then I would have to cut my heart out. You're my world, my everything. Don't do this, Lulu. I made it work and now you just have to do it too," Dillon slammed his left fist into the wooden railing, his voice rising in the wind. I couldn't keep myself from flinching. He was right. I had screwed up. I slept with Diego. I lied. I schemed. But he was wrong too, damn it. And I know that he admitted it. But that didn't ease the burning pain inside of me the singed my lungs and stopped my heart. It didn't stop my stomach from churning or my head from spinning. His words were falling on deaf ears as my blood pounded in my veins. I felt my tears roll down my cheeks despite my efforts to fight them off. He was begging me to fix what he had broken. And I just can't let it work that way. I don't have the energy. And I can make my son pay for what his father's done. I won't do that to an innocent baby who depends on me to hold his life together. Dillon sighed, sensing my turmoil. I watched as he reached out to brush my hair behind my ears, but then he let his hand fall away between our bodies. Just as well. I can't let him touch me right now. Not after all the times that he touched her the same way. Nothing more is said as he storms away, angry at me, himself, and the world. I can't move, even though he's gone. Not when my entire life has just fallen to pieces at my feet.

----...----

"I'm sorry about the director, Gumdrop," My father's voice comes from the doorway of my bedroom at Nikolas' mansion. My sister in-law, Emily, has taken Jake for the day to give me time to recover from my afternoon with Dillon. I'm grateful, even though I ache to hold my son. I'm in no condition to be around him at the moment. It would only upset and confuse him. Although this whole situation is just that... Upsetting and confusing. I glance over my shoulder at my father, he hasn't moved from the door. He doesn't like Nikolas, hates Spoon Island, and despises everyone in Nikolas' family. I'm actually surprised that he came back to town, came to see me, just because my marriage is being ripped at the seams. He gave up on the sanctity of marriage and true love when my mother faded away. He protested during my wedding to Dillon, much to my dismay. My brother's reigned him in and kept him quiet for the rest of the ceremony. Had he been right all along? Maybe they should've let him object, made me listen to what he had to say. But I never would've given it a second thought. I probably would've kicked him out of the church just to keep my wedding going. This is the first I've seen my dad since Jake was born. He came to town to see his grandson, but only stayed four days. Now, months later, he's back to tell me how I was wrong and he was right. Well, at least I think so. "You can cry, Lulu. I won't tell anyone,"

"He slept with her, daddy, over and over again. And you weren't here. You're never here," I remind him in a monotone voice, turning my back on him again to stare out my window at the dark waters that surround the island. I know it's unfair to blame my failing marriage on my father's absence, but right now I just don't give a damn. I need a reason, someone to hate. And I can't just keep hating Dillon. It's not fair to our son. My dad will leave in a few days, uncaring of how much it hurts me. Why not take my anger out on him? He'll shake it off in ten seconds. My dad rolls with the punches and is always unfazed by my tantrums. "I caught them. More than once. And I convinced myself every damn time to look the other way. And you know what? It doesn't matter. My husband cheated on me and I have to forgive him. I have to set aside the pain and the torment for my son. And I hate that. I want to hate him. I want to make him feel as bad as I do right now. But I can't. And that's not fair,"

"You're a good mother. Just like my angel. She would be doing the same thing, Lulu. I'm proud of you," His words stun me. Proud of me? For what? For getting into a bad marriage? For dragging my kid into this disaster? There's nothing to be proud of in this situation. I feel tears fill my eyes again. I'm so sick of hurting, of crying over a man who walked away from his vows. I know that I did the same. Damn it. I feel like a broken record. And, hell, maybe I am. My life has centered around my husband and my son for so long and now I have to figure out just what Dillon's place in my life is. I spent so long being angry with my father that the feeling is second nature. Dillon tried so hard, for so long, to break the cycle. But, I guess in the end, he just started it all over again. I know that I have to stop acting selfish, to stop being such a child. I have a baby to take care of, a life to create for him. But, damn it, I want to be selfish. I want to act like a child. Maybe just for tonight. What's the harm in that? Emily is keeping Jake for me. Why can't I use this time to lick my wounds and hide away?

"You never would have had an affair, daddy. Please tell me that you wouldn't have cheated on mom. You never would betray her trust like that, right? You honored her, respected her. Daddy, please," I'm begging. I'm crumbling in front of my father, pleading for his reassurance. What in the hell has Dillon done to me? I spent over half my life being strong, making sure that my father never saw me cry. Not when my mom faded. Not when he left repeatedly. All the pain, the loneliness, came out as anger. But he never once saw my tears. But here I am at Wyndemere. A house that my father hates with a passion, unless he's chasing a Cassadine of course. Here I am nearly falling to my knees. And it's Dillon's fault. He's making me weak, making me feel too much. My father takes a step back, opening his mouth and saying nothing. "No, you have to be able to tell me that you would have never hurt mom like this. You never would have done this to her. Daddy, just say it. Please. Even if you have to lie to me. I'll believe you, I promise. Just lie to me,"

"Oh Princess. I never wanted to go through this with you... Not like I did with Lucky," My father's voice is soft, resigned, and tinged with old torment. I see memories flash through his eyes, haunting him despite all of the years that have passed. I wait, holding my breath, to see what he'll say. What did he go through with Lucky that's so painful? What does it have to do with my mother? I'm not sure I even want to know, not with the shadows in his eyes. I slowly remember a time when I was little, five maybe. Lucky stopped coming around as much as I was used to. And Elizabeth was with him most of the times he did show up. He always fought with mom and with dad, angry at them for something I would never understand. Elizabeth was quieter and far closer to my mother than Lucky had been at the time. It had all scared me. It was one of the last memories I held of my mother. Lucky had forgiven them the night before a horrible fire. He hadn't been around for months after that fire, despite the mended relationship with our parents. I still don't fully understand any of it. But we never discuss it. It's just _there_, undiscussed and never forgotten. My father clears his throat, scrubbing a hand across his face. "It was way before you were born, or even Lucky. Before we were really in love and far before we were married. It was a roller-disco that I had. I can't do the details, Lulu. You're not going to care anyway. You'll hate me. More than you already do. But you have to understand. I was drunk. And you're mother forgave. But, oh Lulu, I raped your mother,"

No tact. No finesse. No slow build up. Just like that. Stumbling over his words with tears in his eyes. _Oh Lulu, I raped your mother._ My husband was, or still is, having an affair. And my father thinks that this is the time to tell me about his horrid past with my mother? I asked him to lie to me, damn it! I wanted him to reassure me. I did not want to hear that my father had raped my mother. He violated her, broke her from the inside out. No wonder Lucky was so angry at them. I just hadn't understood and he had tried so hard to protect me. I want to call him, to ask him how he handled it. But it wouldn't matter. It's over. My mother's dead. And no more than a few days my dad will be in some foreign country far from Port Charles and from me. I turn my back to him, covering my mouth as tears cascade down my cheeks. I choke back a sob, gripping the desk in front of me to keep my balance. My father reaches out to put his hands on his shoulders but I shrug and push them away. I don't want his comfort. I listen, crying softly, as he walks away. I hear the door open and shut as I crumble to my knees in tears.

----...----

_"It's scary, Dillon. To think of making promises to be honest and loyal to one person for a lifetime. I'm the kind of girl who hates depending on anyone for anything. I don't let anyone see me cry, except maybe Georgie or my brothers. I think it's a sign of weakness and I never want to be perceived as weak. I'm angry at my father. He abandons me every damn time that he needs me. My mom stares at a wall all day, every day. She's been like that since I was like six. It's hard for me to trust anyone, especially when it comes to my heart. But I love you. So, yes. I want to be your wife," The words tumbled from my lips as tears filled my eyes. We were lost in the maze of trees on Spoon Island, escaping from everyone else in the world. He had proposed and I had frozen. Now the words flowed out of my mouth without making much sense. Dillon could only eye me with curiosity while I spoke. I stepped forward, wrapping my arms around his neck. He seemed to be in shock for a minute. He finally returned my embrace. And we just stood there, admist all the plants and trees, holding each other as the future brightened._

The memory was a good one. It had been the beginning of something wonderful. But I had been right in my cynical philosophy. Wonderful doesn't last. I had finally managed to collect myself enough to call Lucky three hours after my father left. He had rushed over to Wyndmere, stunning Nikolas with his arrival. My brothers had stayed up all night stroking my hair and rubbing my back while I sobbed and asked questions that didn't have any answers. Even now, two days later at Kelly's, I feel empty from it all. I haven't seen or spoken to Dillon. Emily said that he missed me, missed his son. But I don't have the energy to fight right now. Not after my father's declaration. Lucky has explained Elizabeth's rape, along with our mother's. He told me how he felt, how he handled it, and how he moved on. But his words just make me admire him. They don't help me figure any of this out for myself. But right now I can't think about any of that. My family has gone out of their way to throw me a birthday party, not that I even care to celebrate. They're trying so hard. I owe it to them to paste a smile on my face and act like any of this matters. I lift Jake out if his car-seat, smiling at my brother's as I cradle my son in my arms. Nikolas makes a joke about how I was always the one swearing not to have children and now I'm the first one out of us to have a baby. Lucky has adopted Elizabeth's son, Cameron, and they're expecting a baby in five months. Nikolas had been expecting a son with his fiancee, Courtney Matthews, but they both died during an epidemic a year ago. I laugh at Nikolas' attempt at humor, not really caring if he believes it or not. Jake giggles, oblivious to his mother's heartbreak, as my eyes meet Dillon's. _He remembered_. The thought warms the deep chill that had settled in my bones. I smile softly, almost sadly, as he stares from the doorway. _Who cares? He's having sex with Georgie, remember?_ And then my smile fades. I pass my son to Nikolas, turning on my heel and heading into the kitchen. I hear footsteps so I stop, waiting for Lucky to catch up. Only, when I turn to face him, it's Dillon behind me. "Go to hell,"

"Where do you think I've been the last few days, Les? Paradise? Get real," He scoffs and almost sounds like he's angry at me. Well, excuse me for not feeling bad for him. He is, after all, the bad guy in this scenario. And here we go again with the broken record. But, you know what? People get divorced all the time and kids survive it. It's not easy, but it's possible. Dillon can be in his son's life without being in mine, right? I mean, Liz, Emily, and my brothers can step in and help out. They'd love the opportunity to protect me. This may be one of the only times I'll let them. Dillon steps forward, almost as if he can sense my revelation. I can end this. I can divorce Dillon without making my son suffer. "Lulu, give me a chance,"

"A chance? You knew that I had found out. You told me so yourself. But I didn't say anything. I didn't leave you. _That _was your chance, Dillon. And I gave you more than one. You continued your affair. I'm completely justified in wanting to end this tragedy of a marriage," I assure him as bitterness tinges my voice. It's not going to be easy to raise Jake on my own, to give him a sense of security without Dillon being a full-time father. But I don't think I can let Dillon back into my life, not like we were before. Not after what he's done. Maybe he's a better person since he could forgive me my night with Diego. And maybe if it had been just once with Georgie I could forgive him too. But it was many nights, many days even. I can't forgive that. Not right now. "I'll ask Emily to bring Jake to the mansion in a few days so you can see him. My brothers will be by to get my things. Don't call me. Don't come see me. Emily, Liz, and my brothers can give me any messages from you,"

"That's it? You won't see me or speak to me? I have to go through my cousin and your family just to see my son, to tell my wife anything?" Dillon obviously doesn't agree with me. And, quite frankly, I don't care. I'm dealing with more than just my failed marriage. I would be in his arms, seeking his comfort, if he hadn't slept with Georgie. I just need to figure out where to go from here. I need to find a way to live my life without Dillon by my side. And, damn it, I have to ignore the pain in his eyes. I can't feel sorry for him, can't let myself fall into his arms. He cheated on me... With my best friend. I can't let myself forget that. Not even if it hurts too much to remember. I sink my teeth into my bottom lip, stepping back when Dillon reaches out to brush my tears away. "Don't do this. Oh, Les, I love you,"

"Don't say that. Don't call me that. Get away from me!" I hadn't meant to scream, but he was too close to me. He was totally invading the personal space bubble that I desperately needed right now. My brother's were in the kitchen, gripping my arms to support me, within seconds. Elizabeth was, of course, by her husband's side. Emily pulled on Dillon's arm, keeping the peace between her cousin and her sister in-law. Dillon shook his head, trying to pull his arm free. Emily said something to him. I saw her lips moving. But the blood is pounding in my ears as tears roll down my flushed face. Lucky wraps his arms around me and I bury my face in his chest. I can feel Elizabeth's hand on my back and hear Nikolas' voice, even if I can't make out the words. It doesn't matter anymore.

----...----

_"Oh, by the way, Dillon... I'm pregnant," The words slipped out of my mouth just as Dillon raised his glass to his lips. A stream of soda soaked the floor as he spit it out in shock. I laughed. Not fully expecting any other reaction. Dr. Noah Drake, who sat two tables over having dinner with my aunt, started to stand in concern as Dillon coughed and sputtered. My husband raised a hand, assuring the older physician that he was fine. Although, as it dawned on him that the baby just might not be his, maybe we weren't fine after all._

But they had been fine. At least for awhile. Jake was Dillon's son and we were a family, finally. We were happy and in love. Until one day he started sleeping with my best friend. When did it start? The night I slept with Diego? After I got pregnant? After Jake was born? Just weeks ago? I have so many questions. But I can't ask Dillon. I'm not sure I really want the answers. It might hurt too much to know the whole, unadulterated truth. Curiosity killed the cat. And answers to all of my questions might just kill me. I knew that losing Dillon would hurt, damn near kill me probably. But I had seriously underestimated the debilitating pain. Emily helps out with Jake as much as she can. My brothers spend hours comforting me. Liz makes me brownies and tells me stories of true love winning out in the end. But, when that's over, I still lay in my bed and cry, missing my husband and all the good times we had.

_"You want to walk out during a fight? That's fine. But you do not get to just give up on everything we've fought so hard for," Dillon announced softly, drawing the attention of the diner despite his quiet voice. Georgie stood off to the side, having had to drag me here in the first place. Dillon and I had fought over the stupidest of things, just stuff he did that annoyed me. I blamed my hormones. Isn't that what pregnant woman do? Blame hormones? I had been six months pregnant with Jake and temperamental, more so than usual, to boot. It was a tough living situation. I had convinced myself that Dillon just didn't love me enough and had gone to Georgie's. It was irrational, I know that. Who cares? Hormones, I tell you, are very dangerous. Dillon held out his hand, not stepping any closer so he wouldn't threaten my protective bubble. The bubble is an important thing, especially after the kind of life I've had. You just don't mess with a girl's bubble, definitely not when she's pregnant and slightly violent. "Deal?" _

_"Deal," A smile graced my delicate features as the hurt faded and rational thought took over again. I took his hand and shook it, laughing at the silly gesture. We are married after all. He grinned foolishly, pulling me into his arms and pressing his lips to mine._

"I figured you'd be here. Okay, so I checked Jake's first, but I knew that if you weren't there then you'd be here. I was going to check the boathouse next," Dillon's voice was soft and unsure. He was nervous. Well, good. Serves him right. I barely glance at him over my shoulder. The water laps against the docks as the memories fade away. We spent many nights here on the pier staring out at the waters, at Spoon Island, as the sun would set. I'd tell Dillon and Jake stories about my brother's home and his family. We were a family, safe and happy. _Until Dillon blew it all apart_. I suppress the bitter laugh that bubbles in my chest. I just couldn't escape him, could I? Not in my head and not in the places I go. Dillon just always _there_. I guess that's what happens when you love someone. I wrap my arms around my waist protectively, wishing my invisible bubble would be enough this time. "I called Wyndemere. I know you said not to contact you, but... God, Les, you're my wife. Anyway, Nikolas said you weren't home. I hate that he called it that. Wyndemere isn't your home. I am,"

"Not anymore. Not after what you did," I assure him vehemently. And it's true. I'm staying with Nikolas, but it's not home for me. But, then again, neither is Dillon anymore. He ruined that, trashed it beyond repair. I glance around the docks, a memory flashing in my mind. The second time I saw Dillon with Georgie. They had been kissing on the docks. I'm sure that they didn't see me that time. I turn my back to Dillon, stiffening when he wraps his arms around my waist and rests his chin on my shoulder. "Don't touch me. Not here. Not where you kissed her,"

"You're right. I did kiss her here. But I loved you here. I kissed you, touched you, held you and our son. The places I was with her, the time we spent together... It means nothing, Les. You matter. Jake matters," Dillon holds me tighter. Maybe he's hoping that if he holds me tight enough this will all go away. And, dear God, I wish it worked like that. But it doesn't. We both know that. We both would have to fight, tooth and nail, to make this work. And I don't have it inside of me to do that anymore. Not after all the emotional turmoil I've gone through over this affair. I pull away, turning to face him. I want to be angry. But, right now, I'm just sad. I lick my lips, shake my head, and just smile tearfully. Because, despite how much I matter, I don't think we can fix what his betrayal has broken.

----...---- This is a two part story.

Both chapters are long.

There's a MVID that I made, posted on that goes with this story.

I suggest watching it. It's cute and ties in completely.

I can't get the link to upload in the chapter so I've posted it on my profile.

Enjoy! ----...----


	2. So Much For My Happy Ending

Christmas was my mother's favorite holiday. The few memories I have of her on the holiday are my favorites. She always had the biggest tree, the best decorations, and a million pieces of candy. We would sing Christmas songs and drink hot chocolate. We went to the hospital Christmas party every year. I was determined to carry that tradition on to my children. Dillon had always enjoyed it. He never got the Christmas experience like me. It was fun to show him the beauty of the holiday. But this year we were separated, on our way to divorce. Emily takes Jake to the Quartermaine mansion, where Dillon had started living, twice a week to see his father. Dillon even started keeping Jake overnight one of those days. Emily picks Jake up and then brings him home to me. Dillon and I stopped running into each other after the scene on the docks. He still tried contacting be at least four times a week. I just never responded. What was there to say? I couldn't make myself call a lawyer for a divorce, not yet. And I definitely couldn't let us go back to how we had been. Yet here I am in the mansion. A Christmas tree in the corner, glowing with lights. I look around the den, seeing a room I've been in thousands of times. Did he bring her here? Did he kiss her on that couch like he did me? Did he take her on the floor? Did they go upstairs to his old, and now current, bedroom? The questions, the one I never get answered but that never stop, race through my mind. They make me crazy and are damn near impossible to ignore. It's been a little over a month since I've seen Dillon and now he just sits beside me at a small table in the corner of the room. Jake is upstairs in the nursery with his Grandma Tracy and Great-Grandfather Edward. A scary bunch, I assure you. Dillon reaches out and sets his hand next to mine. His wedding band rests on his ring finger, glinting under the lights. A questions sticks in my head and I can't stop myself from asking. "Did you take off your ring when you had sex with her?"

"I've wondered if you had questions, but you never said anything. The only things you would mention were what you saw, what you knew had happened for sure," That's not an answer. We both know it. There's no right way to tell me what I want to know. Either way it's going to be like another knife to my heart. I twist the rings on my own left ring finger nervously. I haven't had the guts to take them off, not yet. Maybe tonight. It seems appropriate that he take them off since he put them on me. I push back my chair as I get to my feet. I can't just sit here as if this is just a typical argument. He _fucked_ another woman. He didn't care that I had found out. How in the hell do I deal with this? "I haven't touched her since that night, Les. I chose you,"

"You shouldn't have had to pick between us. I was supposed to be the one and only forever, remember? You vowed to love me, to cherish me, to be loyal to me forsaking all others," I reminded him angrily. The last month has done nothing to diminish my pain or bitterness. It only added to it, if anything. I glance down at my rings again. They glint in the light, just like his did. The engagement ring is stunning. It had been my mother's. The wedding band is simple, white gold. But it's time to end this, to take them off and give them back. I feel tears fill my eyes and my resolve weaken. I force myself to remember his lips on hers, her hands clinging to his body. I turn back to him. He's been talking. I haven't heard a word he's said. But it won't matter. I hold out my hand, biting my lip to try and control my tears. He stares at my rings before looking up to meet my tearful eyes. He shakes his head, talking again. I can't hear him. I pull the rings off of my finger and places them on the table in front of him. "Merry Christmas, Dillon,"

"Merry Christmas? No, Lulu, you don't get to do this. You don't get to make this choice alone," He turns in his chair more to face me. I back away, staring at the two rings that sit so beautifully on the table. Let Dillon give my mother's ring back to my father. I really don't want to see either of them anymore. I haven't seen or spoken to my father since the night he announced that he had raped my mother. Quite frankly, I still don't know how to deal with that. It's a brutal crime and she married him anyway. She had his children and promised her love to him over and over again. Like Dillon and I. We vowed our love to each other each and every day. And then he would go out and have sex with Georgie. I turn away from the rings, from Dillon.

"You don't get a say anymore. You walked out on your chance when you walked out on your family. You gave us up each time you kissed her, each time you touched her body. God, it makes me sick, Dillon! I can't sleep. I can't eat. All I do is cry. Jake is suffering. You're doing what we promised we would never do... You're making him pay for our mistakes, for _your_ bad choices. I can't be a good mother to him when everything inside of me is broken. This is your fault, Dillon. You did this!" I don't know when I had started crying and screaming at him. But at some point I did and he stood from his chair. He's worried about me. And you know what? I'm worried too.

"I screwed up. How many times do I have to admit that? How many times do I have to say I'm sorry?" He's sorry? Yeah, well so am I. I'm sorry he decided to cheat on me. I'm sorry he thought he could have his cake and eat it too. But I'm not sorry for putting my son and myself first. I can't cater to Dillon's broken heart when I have one of my own to mend. Dillon takes another step towards me, reaching out to touch my cheek. I realize he's trying to brush my tears away. I do it myself and take a step back. "You can be as angry as you want for as long as you need, but I won't give you a divorce. I didn't give up on our marriage or on our love,"

"Save me the happy ending movie bullshit, Dillon. It hurts to fight with you. It hurts to see you, to hear your voice. It hurts to watch Jake cry for you. This isn't easy. It's killing me, Dillon, but I can't look at you and not remember all the times you kissed her or touched her. It's always in my head and I just want it to stop. I feel like a broken record constantly. I'm always trying to figure out a way to make this better for everyone, but there's nothing I can do. It's over between us. I can't go back. And, unless you can change what you did, I can't trust you again. The only thing we can do is make this okay for our son," The words hurt more than I thought they would. I imagined this to be freeing, a relief to make the right decision. But I just feel empty.

----...----

"He's miserable," Jesse, one of my only friends, assures me as he enters Kelly's courtyard. Jesse is a cop, Lucky's partner actually, and has been checking on Dillon for me. I just want to make sure Georgie doesn't get within five hundred feet of my son. Dillon's free to do what he wants now. I'm preparing to file the divorce any day now. I just... haven't gotten around to it. Jesse pulls me into his arms, wrapping his arms around my shoulders and letting me bury my face in his chest. "You're miserable too. Sweetie, the vipers are inside and he's at home alone missing his wife. Turn around,"

"No. I'm going in there, vipers or no. And I'm not going back to him, Jesse. Not after what he did," My voice is muffled against Jesse's shirt and I feel him smile against the top of my head. He's been pushing for me to forgive Dillon since two weeks after it all went up in smoke. His loyalty lies with me and Jake, as my son's god-father. I pull back and force a smile. He sees through it, we both know that. We just fail to acknowledge it. It's easier like that. I reach up and press a kiss to Jesse's cheek. "You're the best,"

"I love you, kiddo. You'll get through this," Jesse promises softly. I nod. I mean, after all, he's right. I will survive all of this heartache. I push open the doors to Kelly's, glancing at Jesse over my shoulder. I know he'll keep an eye on us through the window to make sure things don't get too ugly. I'm surprised when he remains in the open doorway. But, then again, he knows words can hurt more than a gunshot wound sometimes. "Play nice, vipers. I don't want to haul you into Robert's office,"

"Back-stabbing bitch, the whore's skanky older sister," I nod at Georgie and then Maxie. I keep a straight face. I mean what I'm saying. Jesse, on the other hand, lets out a laugh from his place by the door. He had a fling with Maxie, Georgie's big sister, that ended somewhat badly a year ago. They hadn't been serious, but he thought she was a slut. And she was. Apparently it runs in their family. I should ask around about their mother. Didn't she have a thing with my dad at some point?

"You have every right to hate me," Georgie admits. Oh God. She's playing the 'poor pitiful me' act. It sickens me that I always fell for it before now. I had thought of her as my own sister. She had been my closest friend. I had trusted her inexplicably. And she had taken advantage of that, of me. Well not anymore. I square my shoulders and let out a bitter laugh. Georgie steps back, knowing that I'm lethal when I want to be. "We were drunk that first night. And then I thought I was pregnant. It just started and kept going. I never wanted to hurt you,"

"You didn't hurt me," I confess softly. And she didn't. It was so much more than that. She shattered my world, my heart. She tainted everything I had ever known. Jesse sighs, reassuring me with just a soft sound. Maxie makes a face, glaring at him and at me. I really want to slap her. I glance at Georgie briefly. "You killed me. You nearly destroyed my son's life. But, you know what? At least I know you didn't win in the end. I left him and he left you. Funny how that works, isn't it?"

"Shut up, crazy bitch," Maxie warns, sitting up a little straighter. Maxie never liked me. We fought constantly and competed over everything. She had actually tried to kiss Dillon a few months after we started dating. I pushed her down a flight of stairs for it. She wasn't allowed within a thousand feet of my wedding and Mac had enforced that. He had sent her to her grandmother's in Texas. It was a lovely gesture. Jesse steps forward but I hold up a hand to stall his motions. "Oh, is poor little Lulu afraid of me? I really don't think Jesse's going to do a damn thing. He was always slow on the uptake, weren't you Beaudry?"

"And you think I'm a bitch? You're a whore. Both of you actually. I'm not afraid of you, either of you. You're liars. Your lives are so pathetic that you amuse yourselves by ruining other people. Does it actually make you feel better or is it a cheap thrill?" Maxie looks stunned while Georgie begins to cry softly. Normally I'd feel bad. But she deserves it. I've spent so much time crying over what she did. Now it's her turn. Jesse took another step towards us, probably prepared to hold me back if I attacked them. Which really, attacking them, wasn't a bad idea if you asked me. It held a great amount of appeal.

"You're just running your mouth because your _oh so perfect_ husband stepped out on you with my sister. Didn't I tell you that you would be left in the shadows by everyone you loved?" Maxie taunts, smirking with pride. My hand connected with her cheek before I could think. I hadn't intended to slap her. But it felt pretty damn good. Maxie placed a hand over the reddening spot, her mouth hanging open in shock. I can't help but smile. Being angry feels pretty damn good. I wave Jesse away when he prepares to retrain me. "You bitch!"

"You're repeating yourself," I point out with a laugh. Jesse covers his mouth to hide his smirk. Doesn't matter anyway. I think it's hilarious. Maxie's speechless. Georgie tries to wipe her tears away, sniffling pitifully. Oh for crying out loud. I turn to her, placing my hands on my hips. "You were my best friend. You were... Oh God. And then you... With my husband, Georgie! It's sickening. And I'm through with you. Don't _ever_ come near me or my son. You don't want to know what will happen. Oh, and Georgie? I know about the kiss at Nikolas and Emily's second wedding two months ago. Sneaking off with my husband to dance and kiss at my own brother's wedding is low. Even for you. And that's saying something with your track record,"

"It just happened. We didn't mean for any of it--..." Georgie trailed off. I couldn't take much more. I wrap my hand around the strap of my purse, clutching it until my knuckles turn white. It was a gift from my dad, sent to the Quartermaine mansion for me. My dad had stolen fifteen thousand dollars from Dillon's mom, Tracy, and then ran off to some God forsaken country halfway around the world. Tracy had flipped, searching for an address to find my dad. She had chased me around the den just to get that package. Dillon had held her back and I had taunted her. I blink when Jesse places a hand on my shoulder, gesturing to the door. Dillon stands there, staring at me and his mistress as he cradles our son. Jake squeals and kicks his legs, reaching for me. I glance at Jesse nervously. He nods, grabbing Georgie by the arm and hauling her through the kitchen to the back door. I lift Jake into my arms and smile down at him. I place his pacifier in his mouth when he begins to fuss, finally looking up to meet Dillon's eyes. It's the first time since I ended the marriage that we've all been together. Two parents with their little boy. I feel tears fill my eyes but hold them back. I'm too tired of crying. And too tired of fighting against everything.

----...----

"You've dragged this on long enough, little girl. It's time you go home to your husband and let him be a father to your son," Tracy orders, her voice cold and detached. I roll my eyes, standing my ground with my mother in-law. She's a tough women, but I know she has a heart somewhere inside of her. It's just _really, really_ hard to find it. We had gotten somewhat close during my pregnancy and the months afterwards. Apparently she hasn't gotten the memo that it's her son's fault for our marriage ending. I sure as hell won't take the blame for him. So what if his family will never let him hear the end of it? Serves him right. "My son is a good husband and a great father. He's treated you with nothing but respect and adoration. This behavior is despicable. But I assume that it's typical for a Spencer,"

"Oh, Tracy, this argument is getting boring. You need some new material. Yes, I'm a Spencer. But, newsflash mommy dearest, I hate my father more than you ever could. So lay off, okay?" Tracy's mouth falls open at my words. Well, look at that. I've stunned Tracy Quartermaine only a week after shutting up Maxie Jones. Now that's something that rarely happens. I'm prepared to tell her exactly what her 'perfect' son has done when Dillon comes

up behind me, dragging me away from his mother. I turn to him, my eyes blazing with fury.

"How dare you? Who the hell do you think you are? Get your hands off of me!"

"She doesn't know, Lulu. And, quite frankly, I'm not prepared to tell her. This is my family and they'll break me. I just can't do that right now," Dillon informed me quickly, keeping his voice quiet enough that Tracy wouldn't hear him. I almost wanted her to know. I'm not the bad guy this time around and I'm determined not to take the fall. Dillon doesn't deserve my loyalty, my protection, after what he's done to me. I gave him a warning glare, crossing my arms across my chest. "Maybe I'm holding out for a miracle. Who knows? But I'm not ready to go through the hell of telling my family. Not until I can convince myself to give up on our marriage. And that, my dear, won't be for quite awhile,"

"We wouldn't be having this fight if you had kept it in your pants and out of Georgie," I remind him brashly. I'm done dressing it up all nice and pretty. Who cares if what I'm saying hurts him? He hurt me, damn it. This is his fault. We used to have fun. The memory of us on the boathouse floor, laughing at Tracy's shock of finding us together, comes to mind. It was right after my brother's marriage to Emily. I knew that Dillon was sleeping with Georgie, but I was in blissful denial. Tracy and Edward had insisted on keeping Jake for the night so Dillon and I had run off to the boathouse. The cold wood had dug into my back and the blankets had scratched against my skin, but we hadn't cared. We had laughed and kissed. We had been happy. I blink back my tears. I haven't let myself cry since the scene with Maxie and Georgie at Kelly's. It's going to be quite a breakdown when it happens. But I'm determined to stall it for as long as possible. Dillon zips up his green jacket and tugs my crimson scarf tighter around my neck. Even in the middle of a fight he's making sure I'm warm enough. I smile sadly. I really do miss my husband, miss how we were. But just as I'm about to reach out and brush a snowflake from his cheek a vivid memory flashes across my mind's eye. They had been sitting on a park bench. Georgie had wrapped an arm around his neck and kissed him. A tear slips down my cheek as I stare at the boathouse. Tracy touches my shoulder, obviously sensing that I was the wounded one in this mess. I nod when she gestures to Jake's stroller and watch as she takes him up to the warm mansion.

"It cold. At least come into the boathouse," Dillon mutters, pushing open the rickety door to the old shack. I follow him, too mixed up by my emotions and the mental image of Georgie kissing Dillon in the park. They hadn't seen me tat time either. Georgie had worn a flower tank top with one inch sleeves with ruffles. It was a shirt I had given her for graduation. I clamp a hand over my mouth to fight the bile in my throat. I shrug out of my coat and scarf as the room fills with unbearable heat. My palms begin sweating so I wipe them along my jean covered thighs. Dillon takes his coat off and throws it on top of mine. I turn to him, the scene in the park from right after my brother's wedding playing in my mind on repeat. I throw my body against Dillon's and feel his arms lock around me. He whispers something but I can't make out the words. I press my lips to his, opening my mouth so he pass his tongue between my lips. I return the gesture and we dual for dominance. His fingers begin unbuttoning my red sweater, the one that nearly matches my scarf, as my fingers make quick work of the buttons on his blue and white stripped shirt. We inhale deeply and continue our kiss, starving for each other's tastes. I pull back as the reality of what were doing crashes into me, the cold air leaking through the boathouse walls and chilling my exposed skin. I hurry to re-button my shirt, wrapping my arms around my waist and pacing to the other side of the tiny shack. Tears fill my eyes, but I hold them back as I stare up at Dillon through my lashes. "Push and pull, right? Is this how it's going to be, Les? We'll fight and then we'll kiss. And in the end you'll runaway and leave me broken on the floor,"

"This isn't my fault. I didn't destroy our marriage. Damn it, this is _killing _me. How many other ways can I say that? I loved you, Dillon, more than anything else. You and Jake... You guys were all that mattered to me. I want to fall in to your arms and drown in your kiss more than I want my next breath. But, at the end of the day, I'm always going to wonder if you're still kissing and touching Georgie. And it makes me sick to my stomach to see you guys in my head and not be able to trust you when you're the one who taught me how to trust in the first place. Please, Dillon... Don't make me the bad guy in this mess, because I just cannot do it this time around," My voice cracks and the tears fall, despite my attempts to the contrary. I clear my throat and try to wipe away the moisture on my cheeks. To my chagrin, more just fall. I wrap m arms around my waist again and lean against the wall. I want to sink to the floor and sob helplessly, but I just can't show Dillon that much vulnerability. This is getting out of hand as it is. I need to get out of here. I have to stop talking, stop letting him see just how much this hurts. "You know that Eric Clapton song from 'Runaway Bride'? Blue Eyes Blue... That's what it's called. I've had that song on repeat for days, weeks probably,"

"I love you, Lulu. Only you," His words are soft, barely a whisper. They're familiar too. How many times did he promise me that? How many times were they a lie? The thought is like cold water being thrown over my head and my body starts to shake. My teeth chatter as the tears continue to roll down my cheeks. I nod, stepping forward enough to meet him in the middle of the room. His hand touches my shoulder and I nearly step away.

"I know," I assure him, sobbing mess that I've become. I press a kiss to his cheek before pulling my coat on. I wrap my scarf around my neck and step through the door, letting it slam behind me. I collapse against the wall to the left of the door, just barely out of sight of the window, and sink to the ground. I pull my knees to my chest and bury my face, sobbing silently. The door opens and I hear Dillon freeze. He had expected me to be up to the mansion by now. He stoops down next to me, brushing the hair out of my face. He whispers again, reaffirming his love. At least I think he told me he loved me again. It was hard to decipher the words over my shattering heart. I nod again, leaning into his touch despite my screaming instincts to the contrary. "I love you too,"

----...----

"Happy Anniversary," I turned at the voice, knowing it was Dillon. I finished punching in my selection on the jukebox before picking up my shot of whiskey from the table. I down the shot and wince as it burns it's way down my throat. I head to the bar and slam the glass against the wood. Coleman refills it without even a questioning glance. Dillon follows and I gesture for Coleman to get my soon to be ex-husband a shot of his own. The bartender complies without a word. I down my third shot of the night as "Blue Eyes Blue" by Eric Clapton filters out of the machine in the corner. Dillon slams his shot and touches my shoulder. Coleman refills our glasses and we raise them in a toast. "Here's to five years of knowing each other. I love you. I always have and always will,"

"Cheers," I mutter, slamming back the alcohol. My eyes water as it burns it's way into my stomach. Five long years. I had met Dillon when I was just over eighteen. And now we've celebrated my twenty-third birthday. In a few weeks it'll be our third wedding anniversary. My heart aches when I realize our marriage has ended so soon after beginning. And right after that anniversary we have to find a way to celebrate our son's first birthday. I set my shot glass down. I can't do this. I can't drown myself in liquor, especially when Dillon's right beside me. There's no way I'll be able to forget. Dillon takes my hand and the alcohol has numbed me enough that I follow. We're both silent in the car on the way to the mansion. He leads me into the front hall and hands me a black, velvet box. A diamond necklace glints up at me. "You shouldn't have,"

"I bought it before--... And you should have it. It won't look as beautiful on anyone but you,"

Dillon assures me softly, standing off to my left. I smile tearfully, staring down at the beautiful necklace. He bought it before the last time that I had found them together, the night my denial shattered. They had been at Kelly's. He was in a suit and she was in white tube top dress covered in delicate, intricate flowers. They had been eating chocolate cake and kissing when I had walked in. I had tried to leave without them noticing. They had, after all, been too caught up in each other to notice my entrance. I bumped the right side of the door on my way out and it banged against the wall. It had shocked my once friend and husband out of their intimate embrace. I had pretended not to have seen the kiss, to have just shown up. There was no possible way that I could have missed him shoving his tongue down her throat. But I pretended anyway. Dillon and Georgie played along, ignoring the tears in my eyes. Dillon and I went home. I didn't ask questions. He didn't offer answers. We went to bed and I packed my bags, along with Jake's, the second he fell asleep. I met him at Kelly's the next night after spending the entire day avoiding his calls. The memory stabbed me like a knife in my heart. Dillon seemed to sense my sudden downshift of mood as I snapped the box closed and set it back on the small table. "It's yours, Lulu. Just take it,"

"We never talked about that night at Kelly's. You know, like why you were kissing and eating cake. We've never talked about any of it. I've had so many questions, Dillon. They just never leave me alone and it hurts. I never stops hurting. I cry and I scream. I haven't seen my dad since you walked away from the boathouse. The second fight of our beautiful downfall, right? I was such a wreck and I begged him to tell me the he never would've hurt my mom the way you hurt me," I inhale deeply, the words flowing from my lips without much thought. I feel tears flood my eyes and press a hand to my stomach as bile rises in my throat again. But I have to say it. Dillon has been my confidante, my rock, since the day we met five years ago. I have to confide in him, it's essential. "There I was, Dillon, begging him to just lie to me. You want to know what he said? He said 'Oh Lulu, I raped your mother'. Just like that. Lucky knew. He found out when he was a teenager and Elizabeth got raped in the park. He found out from Nikolas that my dad raped my mom. My marriage had just fallen to pieces and my dad drops that on me. I haven't seen him since,"

"Remember that one time in the boathouse when I touched your nose and kissed you. And then we just laid there talking about anything, everything, and nothing at all. It was the first time that we made love since your night with Diego. You were three months pregnant and we didn't even know if the baby was mine or not yet. But I loved you. And you loved me. Nothing else mattered. God, I just want to go back to that so badly," Dillon lifts the velvet box and opens it, taking the necklace from it's soft bed. He hooks it around my neck, the gold chain cool against my skin. The door to the mansion opens and we jump, turning to find my father staring at us. Dillon steps in front of me protectively but I push him to the side. He nods and steps into the den, closing the sliding doors behind him.

"How have you been, Lesley Lu? I see you and the director are working it out," My father is nervous. But he acts like he didn't tell me about what he did. My stomach churns. I can't do this. Not today. Maybe never, but definitely not today. "Lucky called me. He said you weren't doing too well so here I am,"

"Get the hell back on your plane and stay away from me. I'm filing for divorce any day now, daddy, and I can't let myself think about the fact that you raped my mother. It taints every memory that I have of her. Everything I knew and trusted from the few years that I got to have a mom is ruined. I can't go back from that and I can't trust you. It's funny. I always thought Dillon was different. But right now you guys are a lot alike. I know he would never _violate_ me like you did mom, but I can't go back, I can't forward, and I can't trust him. So, daddy, do me a favor, okay? Just go away," I'm screaming and crying again. Something normal for me since my marriage fell apart. Dillon had walked to the room at the same time I announced how alike he and my father are. He turned and left again right away. My father stares at me as if I've just shot him. I turn back to the table and wait until my father leaves. I cover my mouth, my shoulders shaking with silent sobs. My fingers wrap around the diamond as I double over. I can't keep doing this. I can't keep having every shred of dignity, pride, and hope ripped apart over and over again. It just hurts too damn much and takes all the energy I have inside of me. I know that it has to stop, but it doesn't stop my memories. There was the time that I tried to convince Dillon to get his tongue pierced and a spike through his chin. And the time he offered to by me coke, ice cream, and cookies to make me feel better because of a fight I had with my dad. He was my plus, my upside to everything. I loved him completely.

I remember him laying Georgie out on a Pizza Shack table, his lips fused to hers, just as I begin to let myself sink into all the good times that we shared. I can't hide here, with him in the next room contemplating our broken marriage. I run. Faster than I thought I could and I don't stop until I hit the pier. I didn't realize that Dillon had followed me. All I could think about was his hands on Georgie, his tongue in her mouth. His hand wrapped around my arm, spinning me to face him. I opened my mouth to scream, to say horrible things to make him feel as badly I do. But his lips were on mine, his tongue exploring _my_ mouth before I could get out a sound. We pulled back, breathless. "Push and pull. It hurts but we just can't stop, can we? Gluttons for punishment... That's what we are. Because no matter how much it kills us we're never going to really walk away. We love each other,"

"I can't though, Dillon. I know what you're saying and I can't. I don't know _how_ I'm going to stop, but I know I have to. This isn't fair to Jake. He should be coming first, not my broken heart or our broken marriage. He's a baby. He doesn't understand that his daddy slept with another woman or how much pain his mother is in. Hell, I don't even completely understand. But he knows that daddy isn't there and that mommy cries all the time. It hurts and confuses him. So we have to stop," I whisper through my tears. I do love Dillon, more than anything besides Jake. But my son is my whole world. He's the one good thing that I've done and I won't let my husband's mistakes taint that. Dillon nods, placing a hand on the small of my back to lead me to his car. We make it back to the mansion where I've left my purse in the front hall. Dillon runs a hand through his spiky hair.

"I'm going to miss you," The words are simple and sincere. They make me want to rethink my whole resolve and fall into arms all over again. I head to the door and smile. What else can I do? Really, my son has to come first. Dillon doesn't even look at me. It hurts. How many times have I said that? It hurts. It kills. It's painful. So many ways to say it. But it's the only thing that I can think of with how I feel. I can't be a numb. I can't be happy. It just fucking hurts.

"I'm going to miss you too," And I will. I can't even turn away before a memory hits me. We had been at Kelly's with Georgie. Dillon was researching something on-line, babbling about a conspiracy he had read about in the newspaper. I went to stand up and order a milkshake when I got too dizzy to see straight. Georgie stood to help steady me while Dillon became the worried husband that he was. It was the first sign of my pregnancy, the first sign of our family. It's all I can think about right now as I get ready to walk away from it all. I'm not sure if I can, not with that movie playing in my head on repeat.

----...----

My resolution to stop crying, to move on and be a good mother faltered the second I walked out that door two weeks ago. I've cried and screamed. I've avoided everyone except my son for days on end. I haven't seen or spoken to Dillon. Emily says he's putting on a brave face, but that he's in the same shape I am. I'm still living with Nikolas and Emily. I'm too scared to go out on my own with Jake, especially given my current state. It's not fair to strand him in an apartment with a sobbing mess of a mother. Doctors move around me as I wait for Elizabeth to get off for her lunch break. I promised her I'd let her take me out today. It's my way of reassuring both her and Lucky. I feel his eyes boring two perfect little holes into the back of my head. "Go away, Dillon,"

"Hey, Les," I glance up, getting to my feet slowly. I intend to walk around him, to just find Elizabeth. Nothing more needs to me said. We can't keep going in circles. It's not fair to Jake or to either of us. Limbo sucks. It prolongs the agony. We need to let go. "Don't do that,"

"We agreed, Dillon. Jake needs us to move on," He grabs my arm and I turn to face him, trying to be angry that he went against my wishes. The memory of them on the desk at E.L.Q flashes through my mind again as Dillon leads me to the couch off in the corner. I'm shaking, I realize, as he wraps me in a blue hospital blanket that they throw over the back of the old sofa. Georgie had pulled away and Dillon had pursued her. It wasn't all her tricking him into it. And that hadn't been the first time. I know that for sure now. Georgie had said that they were drunk the first night. They hadn't been drunk that day in his office. Dillon's lips are on mine before I even realized that his arm is around me. I return his kiss, so sick of hurting. I know that this is exactly what we had promised not to do, but it's the only way to make the pain stop... Just for a little while. I get to my feet, grabbing my purse and heading for the stairwell. I can't keep doing this. It's not right. I listen, but Dillon isn't right on my heels. Lunch with Liz will just have to wait. I wander around until I stand in front of our house. We still own it, but neither of us can bring ourselves to live there without the other. I let myself in with my key and head to the attic. My mother's things and stuff from when I was a kid are stashed up there. It'll be easier to hide in those memories than my ones with Dillon. I'm lost in the wonder of my mother's belongings when the door opens. My fingers wrap around an old, black bookend. I swing it, not even bothering to see who I'm attacking. Dillon blocks the blow and knocks me off balance, catching me in his arms when I fall. My gaze is torn from his at the sound of footsteps and I blink away the tears at the sight of Georgie. "She still has a key. That's great, Dillon,"

"I forgot, Lulu. I haven't been here since the morning I woke up to find you and my son gone," Dillon reaches to hold me there as I struggle to get the hell out of dodge. I don't stop running until I get to Kelly's and find myself safely locked in Elizabeth's embrace. She had assumed I would meet her at the diner when she didn't find me at the hospital waiting for her. I know that Dillon had followed me and was standing no more than three feet from where I cried on my sister in-law's shoulder. But it was too much too soon to see them in the same room together. I turn and fall into his waiting arms, hanging on as if my life depends on it. And, quite frankly, I'm beginning to think that it does. "Please, just trust me again. I love you and I know that you love me too. This is ridiculous and painful for all three of us,"

"I want that too," I whisper, finally able to pull back and find solace in his company. Emily is supposed to be bringing Jake by and joining Liz and I for lunch. It'll be the perfect time to tell our son and my family that this hell is over. I press a kiss to my husband's cheek, thanking God that I never found the strength to file the divorce. The door to Kelly's open and right behind Emily is Georgie. Her eyes full of tears and anger. She's irate to see me with Dillon, to watch me take our son into my arms. But I do it anyway, drawing Dillon's attention to our family. "Guess what, Jake... Daddy, you, and mommy are all going to go home now. No more Grandma's mansion or Uncle Nik's island. It's time to go home and do this thing right,"

"No more tears. I promise," Dillon whispers this against my cheek as his fingers stroke my hair. I smile as tear fill my eyes. It's a familiar sensation and I can only thank God that it's out of happiness this time. We spend lunch with Liz and Emily, who had already called my brother's with the good news. My aunt Bobbie, who owns Kelly's diner and is a nurse at the hospital, shows up after making a special trip to congratulate us and offer to babysit Jake. We take her up on the offer and head over to the mansion to tell Dillon's family. Of course, we detour to the boathouse first. "Inside or out?"

"And risk getting caught? Mr. Quartermaine, I'm shocked," I admonish playfully, shrugging out of my blue hoodie and basking in the warm sun. Most of his family is home, only a few hundred feet from the tiny boathouse that only we ever really visit. He fuses his lips to mine and my resolve to be discreet weakens. I mean, it _is_ really fun to shock the hell out of Tracy. And what better way then this? Dillon's fingers begin to unbutton my red shirt as the sky darkens. We had spent hours at Kelly's with Emily after Liz had returned to work. It was good to just be with my sister, my husband, and my son. Right now it's good to just be with my husband. I work his buttons with an equal fervor as he lowers my back to the wooden docks, our kiss never breaking. And who said only fairy tales got happy endings?

----..---- Thank you for the reviews and the support.

I, again, encourage you to watch the companion video if you haven't already.

It's just a cool add-on to the story.

The Link is on my profile.

I hope you all enjoyed.

Best wishes for all. ----...----


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